my life as a sewist has begun! my first true project that is not naked felt dolls is now my denim bag.. or i call, my jag :)
i ended up having to hand sew a lot of it bc all my machine needles broke... Mostly my fault bc i didnt know ur needle was to be inserted a specific way in the machine. but im rlly glad with how it came out esp for my first real project!! i think all the deco like the keychains and pins and buttons rlly carry it.. i also sewed in some extra pockets in the interior so combining that with the outer pockets and full interior it is very spacious and also not super heavy. i think im gonna bring it as my bag to japan :-) the only bad thing abt it is that i did a low effort job on the straps and the denim frays like crazy so the straps r fraying and little pieces of thread r now all over my room and the office where i sew... Oh well its like whatever. one day it'll thread to the stitching so it won't matter anymore ig...
only a few days until japan! i have a tank top im gonna try and make before then and a bunny fabric doll maybe? i dont rlly have a lot more space on my bag for keychains tho so maybe ill wait for that until i get back. i wish i started using my sewing machine earlier tho bc once i come back from japan i only have 2 more weeks until i start uni and then i wont rlly be home :( i think i remember from orientation that uconn has a sewing machine in the activity center but its not the same as working at home where i have all of my materials and my machine.. ig i could always bring my stuff but idk. I do kinda worry abt my crafter life in uni bc i wont just have all my stuff with me all these past yrs so when i do get the sudden urge to make smth i can just do that. No now i have to wait until i can go back home.. which isnt a huge issue bc im like an hr or an hr and a half depending on the day and time but it still sucks. My main hobby then will prob become handheld gaming bc i can bring my 3ds or vita or gba anywhere. But even then! i modded my wii back in april and still havent played anything on it... i need to move the sd card contents bc the one i originally got is way to small so i think thats deterring me from it bc then i have to move everything to my local temubook storage nd then to the new sd card and that will take soo much time bc my temubook cant do Anything. Sigh.
Did i ever write on here abt the sewing machine i got. i know i did on twt sooo my Big news i got a 1960s singer sewing machine for FREE! from a very nice and kind family friend :3 And it works too!! the sad news... it was missing the bobbin case :( so i ordered a replacement a week ago and despite the website's claim that orders arrive in 3 to 7 days, it was only shipped out on tuesday which means it wont be here until SATURDAY. Ugh. i was so excited to sew too... Well rex why dont u just handsew. And the answer is that handsewing is just not very fun and rlly time-consuming. Like its the summer so i wouldnt care if it took lots of time if it was at least fun... and not very practical for what i want to make either. Like i already did some handsewing for 2 felt dolls but i wanna make new tops, a new bag out of some old jeans...
but i am very excited for when my sewing life can begin! Its smth i always wanted to do for a few yrs now i rlly enjoy making my own stuff :p its rlly nice to get compliments on stuff i made when i wear my crochet stuff or jewelry Like yes I made that! i have always dreamed of being a designer of some sorts i used to love clothes designing so this is the closest i will ever get to that.. short entry i dont rlly have anything else to write abt this ive just spent enough time whining on twt and tumblr over my lost bobbin case so who cares if i complain on another site lol. Ill update once i can get to work
ONE MONTH LEFT!! im so excited kyaaa this will be my first time ever being outside the us! The time switch is gonna be rlly difficult maybe ill work on becoming nocturnal like the week before so i can get used to it... this month i must work on sewing and losing a few pounds to prepare! I have no tank tops and camis besides my undershirt ones and i am budgetting so i'll make my own out of some shirts i have! I also wanna make a new bag bc my only rlly good, big travel bag is my tkdk crossbody messenger bag but ive wanted to make a jean bag soooo bad and i FINALLY got a lolbubu that i can show off! At least this is the one trip where i dont have to worry abt gaining weight, tbh i dont rlly like japanese food way too many of the dishes r meat-based so im planning on just eating rice with soy sauce the whole time and maybe some veggies if im lucky lol.
I must share my plans! theres some stuff i have to do for my family but idrccc what im excited for is my stuff! First and BEST is ikebukuro aka fujoshi heaven!!! Im sosoososoo excited there was just a kazeki ova screening there a few days ago and they sold merch, the merch is online now too so maybe ill try and order it to the hotel a few days before? and then akihabara, denden, etcetc... Also the yayoi art museum (not yayoi kusama), the kyoto manga museum, i have to look into the doll museums more and i would also like to go to wam. Theres some cool museums with a bunch of retro stuff but theyre on the countryside so idk if i can go bc we'd need to drive :( we're also gonna go to hiroshima for the museum there, i feel kinda bad to say it but i was soo hyperfixated on the atomic bombings like a yr ago literally for a week straight i spent all day researching them so i've been wanting to go for a yr! i think theres a few museums idk.. i think ill still try and look for a few more things but thats the plan for now! Oh my mom wants to see the snoopy museum i know that... and if theres any flea markets happening i rlly hope i can go to those too!!
i am kinda sad bc my one mom cant come :,( she has to take this medicine for her arthritis which is also cancer medicine or smth? But it has fentanyl in it so she cant bring it without special written permission from a doctor and customs officers. which is a lot of work... and she could get arrested in japan for posessing if it anything down the line goes wrong. And the japan justice system is terrible so... yea T_T she's gonna stay home with the dogs but i feel bad the rest of us get to have fun and she's gonna be dogsitting stuck all alone at home.... but she said its ok bc its a big graduation trip and she wants us to have fun
Bc i wont eat a whole lot my focus for money is SHOPPING!! i have a whole ton of things ill be looking for. list incoming!
- retro shoujo goods (obvi) with emphasis on: kazeki, patalliro, heart of thomas, oniisama e (does anything even exist? lol), and rlly any y24 artbooks
- june magazines
- DOLLS!!! pullips, liccas, jennies, momokos, the 2000s sanrio barbies (reach maybe...), and fr nippons (an even bigger reach..?)
- n+c gift nuis and coin figures
- usahana, hk, kuromi, and my melo goods... Mostly plushies, keychains, mini figs etcetc... or any vtg sanrio stuff :p
- HUGE reach but maraich and purara gks... Even unpainted is ok ill comm someone like i need these brah
- a very few specific super sonico figs
- angel blue and loverevo clothes
- cute stickers and cute stationary paper/memo pads!
officially the start of my summer high school is now over! i finished my last exam on friday! i was lucky this year i only had 2 finals, physics and stats which r easy :p but graduation is on wednesday and then i have uconn orientation the week after graduation so i cant rlly get myself motivated to start anything major. i picked up desperate housewives again after dropping it a while for patalliro and got halfway thru s5 while crocheting some hats.. still unfinished, i have to rework one of them too i dont rlly like how it came out. then today i drew a little and started reading eroica, no big opinion on it but i have yet to find a 70s queer shoujo i dont like!! And long hair bishies how can anyone not like that ooh lala... i do have to work on my grad cap deco still but gah... Lazy... i also have to do it downstairs bc i have no safe place to put a hot glue gun in my room but i hatee working on crafts with other ppl around. Like my jewelry table is in my moms' office rn bc they redid the old living room and they dont even use it after renovating it!! but anyways.. Yes i have no space to make jewelry anymore and the lighting also sucks so i am limited to work in there only during the day if the suns out. Which means i can only make jewelry in the summer. BUT THEN my moms get all like umm why do u never make jewelry anymore WHY DO U THINK. smh. And then well this sounds kind of douchey but i get annoyed when ppl try to talk to me or watch me when i do stuff. its the worst with cooking and baking but i dont like it with other stuff either. Like drawing... and for wips being asked what im making.. its just a little embarrassing. i feel kinda rude bc my moms r just curious and want to engage with me but idk.
i do feel a little upset sometimes bc i can tell my moms dont rlly view my hobbies which r more 'feminine' as real skills that require lots of practice and time... Like i make them bracelets but they always break them bc they dont take care of them and ask me to make new ones all the time but its not that easy. and they like seed beads but those r so hard to work with, my finger r too fat... and i cant do outdoors work bc im rlly sensitive to heat so they say my hands cant do anything but i do sm with my hands! i crochet, i knit, i draw, and how would i make their bracelets if i didnt have hands... :( even though my moms r women themselves, it upsets me that they do give in to patriarchal beliefs like that. they are difficult to shake esp considering them being more prevelant when my moms were children but idk... like i still hear stuff abt not shaving or not wearing bras blahblah Like idc what anyone thinks Especially a close-minded man who refuses to educate himself.
after graduation i get to go out and get indian for dinner!! The day after but im still very excited.. bc graduation is late its at like 7pm i think? ghhh... 7pm im already ready for bed.. But ive been budgeting for japan so i havent eaten out in a while im very excited :P channa masala and samosas and pakora Yummy yummy my mama is also gonna make me a special breakfast with tofu bacon and home fries that morning for breakfast! im so happy ive been having oatmeal for a while now but its soo boring.. i add a little maple syrup but bleh its still a bit bland. But its nice and filling and an easy way to get nutrients so it doesnt rlly matter.
i think i thought i had more to write about than i actually did.. Oh i guess ive also been big into picmixxing lately. ok yea thats it I have nothing else to say and my head hurts and i finished my birth control pills which means my period is dueee and ik bc ive had cramps all day and im tired and a little moody and i rlly wanna go to bed
for the past few weeks i always have a moment at least once a day where im like Hm theres something i want to write to put in my neocities journal. but then i dont do it and forget what it was. Most of it i prob condense into tweets but ive been soo tired and all i rlly do is play ltd Sigh. i need to stop playing ltd i already have 100+ hrs but im scared what if i leave and all the couples i worked so hard to get together split up. Like imagine returning and utenanthy and franmaya and gilserge have divorced, banmara breaks up, bruh... but im getting a little bored ive decorated my island i have lik 36 miis i kinda wanna add some miis as like representatives for doll brands. Like miss barbie herself and licca chan but i wanna do facepaint so they dont rlly change expressions for a true doll look but i Suck at the facepaint even tho my irl gave me a stylus its bc i suck at digital art T_T
summer soon thats exciting!! i currently have only 4 days of actual school left, 4 day weekend now bc of holiday and skip day :p so only real day is wednesday, thurs is field day, friday im skipping too bc its a senior trip but me and my irl r gonna our own stuff And then next week only 3 real days, my 2 exams and then im done!! Im not rlly scared bc its physics and stats and ive done pretty gooddd in those classes besides my last physics test that i flopped on but its ok. ahh graduation is so close i cant wait!!
This summer my major craft will be sewing, my moms' friend is a very nice lady and she gave me her late moms' sewing machine. its a late 60s singer model and it come with a button maker and the manuak ^_^ i rlly wanna make a jean bag that i can use in uni bc i dont rlly have a good bag rn, my backpack is dying ill get rid of it after hs, i have a tkdk crossbody but the graphic printing is kinda beat up i dont wanna ruin it anymore </3 andd i also want to make some felt dolls, make some appliques to sew onto tees/camis like graphics Umm and if i get good enough i wanna make a dress for my dog hehe along with some other bags too!! i can also knit now too so i have some plans for that! Tbh i dont go out a lot in the summer, its just too hot for me.... i have asmtha and i think i might be anemic or smth bc i always pass out in the heat so when i do go out i have to pack juices and sugar pills. so i stay in my room most of it... Well idc that much its ok. its my last jobless summer so i must enjoy it to the fullest!
i love ltd! Ive been playing it nonstop since i got it i literally woke up 6am on thursday and i already have madohomu married, utenanthy dating, gilbert crushing on serge, my moms r dating... The other random pairs sonico and mikan r dating and then nagito and shiki both have crushes on eachother lol. i rlly like that everyone can be gay it makes my himefujo heart thump thump
Im not big into modern gaming anymore esp the switch i think the switch has too many issues... First faulty hardware including joycon frify which was literally by design. Then every nintendo game has a dlc and is never rlly completed upon release its like here 3 months later this barren empty game has new content added. honestly the whole situation with acnh kinda made me fall out of love with animal crossing for a while but then i remembered i could just play nl on my 3ds again and i remembered animal crossing is actually Kinda awesome.
But i think acnh in general has rlly damaged how we view games too. Like tomodachi life never was meant to be some game u play 10hrs everyday but bc we all played acnh during quarantine and were so bored we thought it was normal. A lot of it also comes from nostalgia blinding bc ppl think 3ds tomodachi life was The best game ever made but it also had its issues. Like there r days where i would go to check my 3ds miis and all the miis wanted was to resolve a fight and to see if their happy catchphrase still suit them. i dont think ltd is Perfect i do think its lacking in some parts like level-up gifts r mostly sportsy activities and a lot of repeat dialogue when making friends. but i rlly adore the new mii maker and i think its rlly cute that ur miis can explore freely and u can build stuff for them. i made them a playground and my miis like the bouncy animals ^_^
But well i am kinda sad bc i spent the last 4 days playing ltd, i was in sf last weekend, monday i slept all day, the only day i rlly went out and did anything was wednesday... and todays the last day of spring break already. I hate school i dont wanna go backkkk when i go back i have to take a bio test and then the ap bio exam is in 2 weeks UGHHHHHH i wish it was june 10th already and i had my diploma and i could say goodbye to this hell of a school. But even when i graduate hs i still have lots of school left.. ill end up staying in ct bc leaving is too expensive so ill be going to uconn in the fall. I kinda wish i had more physical ability and i could do more handiwork like electrician or idk and just go to tech school... bc ppl in those fields can make a lot of money but im weak and i get tired too easily from hard physical work. being a vet is exciting bc i get to be around and help animals, i would like to be a zookeeper the most but my mom said i cant... Actually no my dream life is no job i live in nyc and i get to go to fashion school bc my parents r millionaires and i get $10 oat milk chai lattes every morning at my fav vegan cafe in brooklyn and curated vintage shops arent expensive to me anymore. And then i graduate and become a big-name doll designer and i get to do a collab with nitro chiral and make the most beautiful shiki bjd that a pair of eyes could ever gaze upon. And also i would have a pet pig :p
well i have a countdown 52 days left until june 10... depression is still killing me. I cant do anything which is kinda why ive just been playing ltd idk where my strength to work on this page came from but its whateverrrrrrr. And then my moms make it worse bc theyre like u can spend all day playing ur stupid games but not catching up on schoolwork BRUH i love my moms more than anything But sometimes they just annoy me sm... they tell me they understand my depression but when i Act depressed theyre like ermmm whats wrong with u why r u so WEIRD.. Bruh. I feel so lazy and childish i dont even have the energy to make my own food anymore my mom just makes me rice every few days so i eat that with frozen veggies and soy sauce for breakfast and dinner and then for lunch i have like. Chips idk... and i struggle with getting out of bed and also my insomnia is getting rlly bad too. I wanna leave high school but im scared bc after that is uni and ill be away from home and otis and my lovely lovely room.. Ill miss my dolls!!! and my bed and my wataru shrine even if we're broken up.. i wish i could just be a kid forever with no expectations forced on me i just did whatever i wanted. One day i play otome games all day the next i crochet while i watch old bl then after that i go out window shopping and thrifting and get indian for dinner and everyday would be so great bc i'd have nothing to worry about ever i could be the happiest girl in the whole world. I hate this world.
diary remake is DONE! but i cant help but feel like its lacking. To me this black and light pink color scheme is rlly hard to work with but its one of my favs, actually my fav color combo ever would have to be hot pink and black but thats even harder to find stuff for ntm being a bit harsh on the eyes for long amounts of time on screens. i cant rlly make my own graphics or bgs or headers that kinda stuff, the most i can do is make pngs of not pngs to use as stickers (Ty ibispaint..). so i feel like lots of the stuff i do find either clashes or a lot of the itme is too light, like i feel like this page and my abt to an extent a lot of the pinks r so light they blend in on white backgrounds...
but if its a pain why do i bother? i love pink... and black as a color i have a deep attachment to. So i think they r the best colors i could theme my site around. And also bc im not like other sites durrrr IDK my old theme i kinda hated it bc like every cutesy neocities site is all pastel-y and rainbowy and Not in a bad way at all i rlly adore those sites but i felt like mine was never truly unique enough and at the end of the day was kinda just a copy and paste mish-mashy mix of all the work of the webmasters i admired most. also i feel like my site name doesnt help its Soooo pinterest cutecore edit core with the screen-unreadable font captions. but its too late now all the fanlistings and wberings and neighborhoods im linked in...
ive thought abt making a new site but i am a bit attached to this one. Like it was my first major coding project after myspace clones which rlly r just customizing templates. Well u can do cool stuff on spacehey but i dont like templates theyre too restricting. i wonder what ms93 couldve done if it lived longer... and i do think the sugarbunnies r quite cute. I think ive come to peace with the name more... plus i like using sugarbunnies stickers so? and what would i even name my other site? Hmm... yea idk. i think my fault was having the rentry mindset where canon-ish and short and sweet urls work best and they kindaaa do i just feel like it makes my site a little less memorable. But i love sugarbunny. this year will mark 5yrs since i created it, altho i didnt rlly start working on it until 4yrs ago. i love neocities!
i hate depression... its made the last month of my life so bad Not that depression isnt always bad but march has been one of the worst in a while. i cant even be happy abt stuff anymore or enjoy stuff or look forward to fun plans... im so tired and irritated and i get so annoyed easily i hate it
i had a few good days, i went out with my irl for lunch and shopping and then we watched movies at his house and his mom made dinner. then like a few days later i went to see the puppy he rescued Awww shes the cutest girl ever shes soo tiny her name is clover shes just the cutest puppy ever! but the rest of march sucked Yes even though march is my birthday month i woke up on my birthday ALONE my one mom was snick and my other mom had to drive 2hrs away to nj No i did not know this until i called. so i skipped breakfast and went back to bed and cried bc and honestly contemplated suicide for a minute but i went thrifting later and my mom made me apple crisp so i decided to live
it sucks bc Life has the potential to be so good rn. i have less than a quarter left of high school and im going to san francisco tmrw and ive been playing tmgs again and i finally found my wii and modded it but nothing is making me super duper happy.... Maybe things will be better once im actually in sf. Bleh bleh
Im writing an update a week later now that im back from sf and back to reality Sigh... sf was fun i got to eat lots of good food lots of samosas and pakora AND I GOT A VEGAN MANGO LASSI ive wanted to try mango lassis for yrs now i know i can just make them at home but the price of nondairy yogurt is painful... Lots of gelato or sorbet idk lots of rice too but thats not special i eat rice like everyday at home sometimes twice a day.. hmmm i went to mission district for the first time i rlly enjoyed it im sad i couldnt eat a lot bc im rlly picky and the tofu taco i did get was kinda gross. Sorry. there was actually a lot of indian food here tho i felt kinda bad eating indian in a place thats known for like latino culture Also i went to chinatown i love chinatown and the bakeries even if i cant eat the bakery stuff anymore i like to look at the sponge cakes and remember how they used to taste. i also got some toys and keychains heeheee i rlly need to save money for japan but i see cute stuff and its hard to hold back
But alas the trip was not all fun bc the true reason we went.... my mom wanted me to tour uc davis. It was the admitted students day so i was like Ok fine i get a sf trip out of it... It was not fine. Bruh. im not gonna talk abt it im too embarrassed im such a baby. I hate myself
Kyaaa i finished tmgs3 I LVOE RUKA I LOVE RUKA Screams from the rooftops I LOVE RUKAAAAA hes so cuteeeeee omg omgomg omggmgo Kei okazaki is the psv version of ruka. Hehehe maybeeeeee i have a type. i have a weak spot for otome lis who r posessive and needy and a bit sick in the head... I felt bad bc himuro showed up like thrice and he wasnt my fav in tmgs1 (shiki... Shiki i love u...) but i did have some dreams abt him so i felt bad like i was cheating. Sorry himuro sensei. ltd comes out in 2 days tho so ill wait a while to play the other routes, i rlly wanna do junpei and then kou and then the 3p mode with kou and ruka Hehe i rlly cant wait to try that out. Ok this entry is long enough
i love shoujo i love art made by women for women i love the sparkly eyes and melodrama and roses and romance and the watercolor painting a lot of colored old shoujo arts have but GOD. Being a shoujo fan is so hard. especially retro shoujo. Like if the shoujo u like is like ohshc or nana or fruits basket its ok. And honestly even mainstream shoujo gets crumbs compared to the heaping pile of garbage thats shounen But having retro shoujo as a hyperfix might be one of the hardest hyperfixes ive ever had just bc of How hard it is to find like 90% of stuff that was published..
ive cried countless tears finding a good shoujo manga and going to read it only to find that 3 of 30 chapters were translated and the scanlation group worked on it in 2008 and No one has made any new efforts to work on it since. or finding a beautiful cover on anilist and going to check it out and reading a description fitting of one of the greatest pieces of literature i could read in my lifetime only for the manga to have one total page of google search results and Yes it will be on mangadex but NO CHAPTERS UGH so now i have to fly to japan and find out whose grandma is hiding it in their attic. Smh.
i know its a very little issue Girl cant read pretty picture books and gets sad but i feel like it just has so much more to it... like shoujo is so heavily disrespected as its always had young girls as the main demographic and being a category pioneered and mostly worked on now by women. Like so much shoujo has been lost bc ppl think its abt women for women it doesnt matter bc the world is a misogynistic dump Oh shoujo is just romance and school stories it doesnt matter but sure lets keep record of every shounen manga abt a bunch of guys fighting...
shoujo works r some of the most beautiful mangas in terms of art and craftmanship Like the earliest works had to be drawn in ink yet there was so much attention to detail still. i think its rlly upsetting bc so many things in manga today can be traced back to shoujo Literally so many shoujo mangas have made HISTORY but all ppl can associate the word anime or manga with is garbage like one piece or jjk or chainsaw man IM TIRED! If it wasnt for shoujo we would have no bl no gl and probably honestly missing like half of the works we have now Like behind every shounen is a shoujo that inspired it. The only shounen i know enough abt is hunter x hunter and i do know the author took some inspiration from patalliro. It was in shoujo magazines that began not only the first bl (sunroom nite) ever But the first gl (futari pocchi? the oldest ive read) AND the first ever animated bl (patalliro) is shoujo too. And also oniisama e the birth of the first yandere my beautiful misandrist queen mariko shinobu im SO glad our first yandere is a lesbian Isnt that just amazing my beautiful princess
also shoujo was So much more ahead in the 70s than shounen is today. Claudine explored a transgender man and how he was always unable to live truly as himself because he was always seen as a woman before himself. Kazeki explored the life of a mixed romani boy in 19th century france and how he struggled because of racism And a lot abt christianity and the shame it inflicts upon ppl just for loving others And also also ummmmm well i dont like talking abt kazeki as the ultra Woke manga that covered every woke issue EVER bc i do think takemiya could have handled serge a little better i felt like he got ignored a lot and most of hte focus was on gilbert even if serge was like a douche sometimes At the end of the day he was also a troubled kid like gilbert so idk why everyone hates him. But i still love kazeki. yes this should already be known by now hehe. Shiroi Heya no Futari has a lot abt how having to hide love to avoid the hatred of society and how queer ppl truly cannot live in a society that hates them. I think... i like josei a lot more for exploring queer themes and i think i'll write an entry for josei another day. But shounen mangakas still dont know how to treat queer characters beyond jokes and walking stereotypes so even if early queer shoujo works of the 70s had some flaws i'll always defend them before some shounen whose rep is only ambiguous 'coding' that the fans like to pretend exists
And it makes me kinda emotional bc even for stuff that has been kept by beautiful shoujo loving grandmas probably isnt holding up great now... Like the old OLD stuff from the 50s theres only so much that can be done to save 70+ year old paper. And so much that has been thrown away bc again the world has no heart for anything made by the hands of a woman. And even stuff in good condition whats the chance id get it anyways... maybe they have a shoujo museum somewhere in the world or when i go to japan i'll meet a lovely lady whos cleaning out her home and just found boxes of boxes upon boxes of 50s-80s shoujo manga in her attic. i rlly do get ill a lot thinking abt all the art ive missed Like now i have to live knowing theres a beautiful carmilla-inspired shoujo out there that i wont ever get to read beyond 4 panels a japanese twitter user posted.
But on a positive note, there is still a ton of old shoujo out there on the web! ive been fortunate enough to read the works that i have. and i love loving shoujo, i love supporting women and art by women is one of if not my favorite thing in the world to explore. I love music by women paintings by women clothes or dolls designed by women manga by women movies directed by women I LOVE WOMEN. Women are what makes this world liveable and worth staying on. So anyways my message to take away if u read this far READ OLD SHOUJO!! Especially if u love bl and gl. SO many bl and gl tropes can be traced back to old shoujo They are the ancient texts... Thank you. Because no matter how frustrated it makes me to enjoy an era of works where half have become essentially lost media i have never found art i enjoyed so much.